I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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