So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
