Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
