We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
