I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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