I got chris browned last night
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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