is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just pee around me
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
