sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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