I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
