i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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