Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
