I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
