Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
