Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
