So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
