I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
