Sober January is a disaster.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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