We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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