so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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