I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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