even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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