hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
