just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
