After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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