I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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