Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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