ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
