i don't like sucking hair
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
