I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
