He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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