he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
