I feel like abortions should bother me more
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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