Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
