Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
