Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
