if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
