listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I need water and some morals
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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