The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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