Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel