If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.