we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.