My nipple is on Facebook.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
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He felt like a one man threesome
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
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Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.