I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.