Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
