I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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