Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
