so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
