Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
