You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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