Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
