my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
