I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
