I think my fart just growled at me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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