Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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