You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
