I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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