she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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