My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
