i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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