Yo dont text me then not text me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
