I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
