Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
