Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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