What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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