Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
