Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
