We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
