I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
