I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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