First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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